What with one thing and another, I have not really enjoyed Christmas much for the last few years. But this year, I am feeling a glimmer of the holiday spirit. On Thanksgiving, I really missed being with my family, so instead Raccoon and I put up our Christmas decorations, everything except the tree.
One and two were fun, but so far, having him be three years old this year is my favorite. He unwrapped my Christmas village buildings with me and helped me set up the creche. Those were always my two favorite things to do when I was growing up. He also asked to read our special Christmas books that only come out once a year, and he sat through all of them. We ended our Christmasy day with "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" (cartoon) while we ate lunch. Knowing that next year, Lord willing, we'll have a 10 month old toddling around making a mess has inspired me to try some things with Raccoon this year that we may not be able to do next year.
I'm not sure what I want to do for SB, N, and J, but just the freedom to include their memories this year makes me feel better, since I won't have to spend my energy on trying not to think about them. I know that I want to include some small pictures I have of them that I have been carrying around in my wallet, perhaps on a special ornament or by a miniature tree with a candle.
I am also thinking about what I want to do this year for some special children I know. Whenever I feel down, I think about reaching out, a sure way to cheer myself up and help someone else, too. My husband and I have decided not to do gifts for each other, so we'll have a little bit of money for special things. Raccoon will have presents under the tree, but I want him to be involved in giving to others this year as well.