For me, there is something magical about the quiet night hours. I have long been a night owl, so I may homeschool Raccoon just so I don't have to get up early for the soon-to-come next 13 years. Ha ha. But as I was lying next to Raccoon, waiting for him to fall asleep, I got to thinking. It had been a bleh day, one of those where I just never really got going. But then all of a sudden, when the house quieted down, my mind switched on and I had all of these thoughts. One of them relates to a story. I'm not sure where I heard it the first time, but it's an Indian legend.
An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. "A fight is going on inside me," he said to the boy. "It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil - he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego." He continued, "The other is good - he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you - and inside every other person, too."
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?"
The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."
I think part of my current discontent with my life is because of the beast I am feeding. As a Christian, I think of it as the worldly wolf and the faithful wolf. If Raccoon's addicted to the TV, then I am equally as guilty of spending too much time on the computer. Some of the times, I could perhaps read a book, but often Raccoon wants me at least partially involved, and I dislike being interrupted when I'm reading. The computer screen is perfect, a little glance here and there to distract me while we play. The things I am looking at (other blogs, news or my e-mail), are not bad things, but they are for the most part devoid of Christ. I could pull up the Bible online, but I confess that it's not as riveting to me as these other things that have no eternal value. Sigh.
I do enjoy prayer, especially keeping up a conversation with Jesus throughout the day. But lately I've just been going through the motions and find that long periods have gone by when I haven't prayed at all. How can I feed the right beast, so that in the end I don't get eaten. That is one of the things I am wondering about tonight. Lent starts tomorrow and my computer/internet fast as well. What will I substitute in it's place? Will I just find something else to keep me busy until night falls and I switch it all on again?
To be continued...