Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Random Thoughts at 30

As I learn and grow, sometimes I feel tempted to go back and edit my previous posts. I'm afraid that I've somehow been too honest or that too much of imperfect me is showing. I don't know which mysterious "they" population I want to edit for, but it's definitely a disapproving one. It reminds me of high school talks about revisionists in history. Maybe I'll write a book someday, "My Revisionist Life." While I was showering I had some deeper thoughts, but they are gone now. I keep paper and a pen with me everywhere else because I never know when a good idea is going to pop out of nowhere, never to return.

Raccoon has been very sick for the last five days. It has been odd to have a quiet child who just wants to sit on my lap. The constant holding reminded me of when he was an infant, except that now he weighs 24 pounds and is a baby no more. It was so nice to see him finally feeling better today and to hear his voice again, "Time to play, Mama."

I feel happy tonight. I've found a forum where I feel at home on a much more personal level. I get the jokes, I feel the pain, I share many of the experiences. It's like things are finally coming together; the dark is ending and I see the dawn. I really, really hope so.

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