Monday, February 17, 2014

Are we going to survive this?



The answer is yes.

I remind myself of that every strange new day. A lot of people would love to start over so completely so often, but I'm getting to the point where I just want to settle down, or at least I think I do. Making life for me and my family from scratch is hard. In the States, ww just jumped into my parent's life. Go shopping here, go to church here, go to school where my mom teaches, etc. They'd already plowed the ground, giving us a head start. There is none of that here and I remind myself that I am the adult in charge, I'm the one who has to figure this out.

Life will fall into a rhythm. It will not take me 4 hours to go grocery shopping. I will know how to get around and get places and connect with people. Kids are great for that. No matter how much I'd rather stay in my shell I need to make sure they're properly socialized. Ha. Am I? I wonder...

Anyway, I'm having some doubts about our land being the right place for us long-term. On Saturday, we visited my mother-in-law, ah blessed civilization and high-speed internet. Right up the street from her house is a pharmacy, bread store, video place, and restaurants. I miss that.

And then there are these kittens we took in. Not sure it was a good idea. I thought with a sensory-seeking son that they'd be a good fit, but he doesn't care for them all that much. Certainly not enough to justify the work that falls to me of caring for them. I feel like I don't even give my kids the attention they deserve, let alone have any left over for two needy furry beings.

Why is being a mommy of two so hard for me? It's been a year and I feel like I should have this down by now, but I don't. And the thought of homeschooling soon makes me want to hide somewhere eating donuts. Yummy blueberry cake ones. Will I be able to teach my son to read and do math? This keeps me up at night, even though it's the least of my worries for now. Feeding my complex child is top of my list right now.

We must survive this, and somehow learn to thrive again.


You'd think I'd be doing a better job, having chosen this, and having lived here since I was ten. But apparently having two kids is my tipping point.

If we weren't trying to get out of debt, I'd suggest a second car and moving back into town. For now, back to the almost- boonies I go. Check back in a month or so and I'm sure I'll be more cheerful. Yes.

I can't even remember my word of the year...

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