I found this little gem here (in the comments):
...all behavior is communication and that not doing something doesn't mean "won't", but most often means "can't".
I often have to remind myself that Raccoon wants to please and comply, but sometimes he is just too overwhelmed. Giving him that look and that voice are often my first reaction, when what he really needs is help calming his body/mind down and loving attention from me. Sigh. Mommy fail.