Sanctuary is the perfect word for January; it is exactly what we need in the midst of moving and changing countries once again. But another word has been throwing itself at me, trying to get my attention. I have the entrance barricaded, the curtains drawn, and I'm pretending not to hear this word banging on the door.
Let go. Give up. Surrender. Not your typical word of the year perhaps, nor is it a philosophy much encouraged by a culture that tells us to never stop fighting for what we want, to make our dreams happen at any cost, and that if we work hard enough we can have everything.
I have always been forceful about making my own decisions. My mom, and now my husband, can attest to the fact that all my life I have known exactly what I wanted and pursued my goals relentlessly. I am tenacious when I have my eye on something, which is putting it mildly. My husband has a few stronger but not as nice words to describe this particular quality I possess. I tell him that if I ever have to use it for him some day, he'll be grateful. Until then, I often complicate our lives with what I want to accomplish.
So when I say surrender, I mean giving up my ideas about how my life should go and what my kids need, and instead letting God whisper His truth to my heart. Or, you know, yell at me with a bullhorn when He can't get my attention any other way.
Give up control of my life?
Even writing that makes my skin crawl.
I know what's best for me, right?
It's a crazy idea.
Everything will go wrong.
I will have to do hard things.
I want my life to be easy.
But that crazy idea asks me which is better, to trust my limited view and knowledge, or to trust in the One who sees the future, works wherever and however He wills with an abundance of resources, makes all things new, loves me profoundly, and longs to bless me and give me peace? Put like that, I'd be crazy not to trust Him. Especially since He desires absolute good for me. True good. Good that will fill my soul with crazy happiness regardless of my circumstances and give me treasure that cannot be destroyed.
Okaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay, I'm with Him. Surrendering is not giving up precisely, but giving something over to someone stronger. And so I surrender my life to the Source of all things, to my Maker who wills great things for me.
Deep breaths. I might just be panicking a little. Or a lot.
This year of surrender is going to be scary and fun and more satisfying than anything I've ever experienced. I have just now decided that my word of the year should be something that I can't actually accomplish, unless God steps in. This is my hardest WOTY yet. It certainly has been hard to find.