"This is my manna. What I have is what God has prepared for me at this time, and in this place, for one simple reason – because He wanted to do it like that." - Michael Andrzejewski
These hard times, the days when I feel like pulling my hair out because I don't know how to shape my children into reasonable human beings, or when I just wish they could feed themselves, or when I am cleaning up the umpteenth spill of the day, or when I feel like a complete mommy failure, or when I shut myself in the bathroom for five minutes of alone time, this is my manna. There is sweet sustenance in the chaos of life, if only I can trust in the Provider and gather in just enough for that day.
I like that.
I have started bringing the computer with me to bed in order to get something done. My children's anxiety is increasing as our departure date approaches, so they are stickier than octopi arms during the day, giving me no more than 5 minutes at a time for rational thought. Sacrificing sleep is probably not the best idea either, but if I don't get something done, I shall go crazy, and that won't be good for any of us. So yes, it really is 1:39 am. Off I go to bed.
To have this life, to have these problems, this is my manna. I am grateful for the two little lives that are currently keeping me from doing anything else. Except I yelled at Life #1 this morning, "I can't spend all my time playing because I have to get something done today!" But then we made up for all the grumpiness floating around by going on a late-night shopping spree. 9 pm really is a wonderful time to shop because there is no one around to mind whatever chaos is happening around us. Raccoon bought a Superman sweatshirt and Captain America shield, both on sale. Ducky was happy just dropping everything out of the shopping cart, over and over and over. Yes, we're at that stage. But hey, if it gives me a few seconds of peace in between each retrieval, I'll play that game.
This is my manna. And I am content, joyous, grateful, even if next week's board meeting still has no agenda.