by Thomas S. Greenspon. This is the book I'm talking about.
1) "...a process called encouragement: literally, helping a child find the courage to do things differently by letting her know she is recognized and cherished."
2) "...it's easier to try new things and risk making mistakes if you already know you're acceptable."
And in honor of the book, I didn't read it from cover to cover, nor did I actually finish it. Nevertheless, it was a good reminder to continue my efforts to give Raccoon more affirmation.
We definitely struggle with quote #1 around here because Raccoon likes things to be done the same way and he wants to accomplish everything with ease. Dealing with change is our nemesis. Cherished is exactly how I want Raccoon to feel, regardless of outcomes. I like quote #2 because it is a good reminder of how to accomplish #1.
Although not from this book, the following is the most helpful phrase in our house to sidetrack perfectionism meltdowns, which I've mentioned before: "Is this important to you?" If the answer is yes, I repeat "Then we'll work on it until we get it, okay?" as many times as necessary to help him calm down. Recognizing and labeling his feelings (usually frustration and angered at an imperfect outcome) also works - sometimes - to diffuse a loaded situation.