Brain Dump

And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. - Ephesians 3:17+

I want to ponder these verses tonight. My faith has felt small lately. As a missionary, money is often tight, but I have seen the Lord's provision over and over. I am sure this month will be no different. I am so blessed. My faith should be huge. Help it to be so, Lord.

I know that the Lord CAN, but I also know that doesn't mean that He WILL. This is the heart of my struggle, that my ways are not His ways. I like things to be easy. He is working for my ultimate good.

Things on my mind tonight:

- will Storm make it? The vet drained 6 liters of fluid yesterday but she still had another 4 or so left. The incision leaked all day and I'm guessing she's down to 2 liters left. But will she gain the weight she needs? Will she fill up with fluid again? Was this the right choice? I am not good at letting things be, I inevitably choose to act, but perhaps I should have left her as is. She seemed happy. Now I am not ao sure.

- I think of SB and how some of the things that I thought were right for her were actually wrong. Her birth and death days are coming up in July.

- my parents come in two days! There is pain in the joy because I wish they did not have to leave again.

- parenting is hard, and a blessing and I'm grateful, but still hard.

- will I ever sleep through the night again? I should be sleeping right now.

- I feel like I shouldn't be worried about money because it's not that important and at the end of the day we're okay... but sometimes I still do.

- monday is my 13th wedding anniversary.

- I am struggling with toddler world, because I know I should be appreciating some of the very things that drive me crazy.

- God's plan for me is good. He loves me no matter what and I can trust Him with my heart.