I read this tonight on the Greater Joy Mom blog:
"We have looked back at our former life and thought too many times to count, “Maybe God wants us to go back?” “Did we make a mistake?” “What if we have completely missed God’s still small voice leading us in this?” There have been days when God has been so silent in the storm…yet, He is there!"
This resonated with me because the King and I (love typing that) have been asking ourselves the same questions. Did we make a mistake coming back here? Why have things been so hard?
It has felt like God has been silent while we've struggled. But tonight as I read this, I felt peace. The Lord is working on our behalf, even if we don't always see or feel it.
Years ago, I wandered away from the Lord, even as I thought I was fulfilling the calling He gave me. Since then, I question myself a lot, wondering if I'm pursuing my will or His. I have a gift (and a curse) of making things go my way and getting what I want. My brother said he could never figure out why I had such a charmed life. But as an adult I have suffered plenty due to my willful and selfish ways.
I am confessing this here because I am trying to change, with the Lord's help. But when things seemed to be going all wrong, I wondered if I had done it again, gone my own way instead of following my Lord.
Tonight the Light shined (shone?) through the stormclouds and I heard His whisper "I will provide all you need right where you are. Stay the course. I have placed you here at this time for My purpose."
I am so relieved to feel confirmation of our being here that I'm almost giddy. I still mess up plenty, but this time, unlike years ago, I didn't Mess Up. Phew.
A friend came over tonight, and she clearly heard the good news of Christ. It made me so happy to share my faith with her (with my husband's help - he's the evangelist in the family. I feel things deeply but I have trouble sharing my heart spontaneously. I do much better if I can write out my thoughts.).
Perhaps the Lord brought us back just to share with her, alhough I feel like there is much more to come. The King mentioned the other day that he could see himself as an old man here on our land. I'm not even sure what so many years in one place would look like. My tumbleweed past cannot fathom such a thing, even as my heart longs for it.
I am typing this on my phone which is no easy feat, so I will conclude. I feel trememdously encouraged (despite still being sick) and I hope that when I share this with the King tomorrow, he will feel encouraged too.