I am... Relieved

Raccoon has been sick for forever two weeks now and our whole family is exhausted. He had an allergy flare-up (too much junk food at the end of October) and then he developed croup. We are just starting to get back to normal and his sleeping is still off. My husband and I have been taking turns during the night every 2-3 hours (can I just say how much I love that man in a crisis). When I got up around 5 am on Tuesday morning, Raccoon seemed so sick that it really scared me. My husband was holding Raccoon the same way he used to hold SB, and Raccoon was lying there so limply with such a blank stare, that I had a terrifying flashback. He perked up when he saw me and wanted me to tell him a story, but I couldn't get the words out. I was crying and didn't want him to notice as he was snuggled up in my arms. I try not to think about it, but I don't know how I would survive if I lost him too.

I have recently started reading this blog, one of seventeen, and she wrote a post called the fear factor that really resonates with me, although her loss is much more recent. Lori wrote a similar post on her blog awhile ago when one of her sons was sick. There is so much I could say, but others have said it first and better, so I won't write it all out again. I do agree that after losing a loved one - especially a child - I think the anxiety about whomever we have left is so much more intense.

Today he is almost back to his spunky, jumpy, mischievous self, and as exasperating as that can be sometimes, it is a huge relief to see him feeling better.