Confrontation...

has never been my strong point. I dislike it so much that I would even call it a character flaw. I had to talk to someone last night about a project she started and assumed I'd take part in every week, no questions asked. Our friendship used to be that way, and it got me into a fair bit of trouble as a preteen, but it's 20 years later and I have a family now and I can't drop everything anymore. What I said was right, but it was still hard for me to say. I still felt like my feathers were all ruffled several hours later.

What's the big deal? Other people I know just shake these things off. They say the truth and don't equivocate. Why can't I be like that?

Another friend told me of a situation she's facing in her marriage and asked me what I would do. I couldn't answer, because she and I are very different people, married to different men. I couldn't answer. I wanted to be able to help her, but all I said is that I would pray that the Lord gives her a clear path to follow. She was looking for a clear yes or no, but I'm terrible at telling people what to do, unless they're my children. I get stuck imagining all the possibilities and how everyone feels and how hard it must be for them. My husband, on the other hand, has the gift of exhortation and he's not afraid to tell it like it is. He sees things so clearly; I envy that sometimes.

I'm currently reading Better Than Before by Gretchen Rubin and she divides people into four types: Upholder, Obliger, Questioner, and Rebel. The upholder finds it easy to keep commitments to self and others, the obliger keeps commitments to others but not to self, the questioner only keeps the commitments that make sense to him/her, and the rebel objects to all commitments. I know that I'm not an upholder or a rebel, but I vacillate between obliger and questioner. Or maybe I'm a questioner with obliger tendencies. My assertive friend is probably a rebel, because I seem to gravitate towards people like that. I admire their ability to do their own thing and not care what others think. I often care far too much.

Blogging time is up and writing time begins. So I leave this rather awkward post to be concluded another time. Or not.